Snarky Headline of the Day

Nation's College Freshman Face Trauma of Redecoration.

Judge calls bullshit on anti-mom hysteria.

Britney gets to keep her kids, subject to a litany of conditions. I called this one. So did Nancy Grace. Suck it, Us.

Bump Watch Fatigue

The assault on Jennifer Lopez continues, with In Touch reporting she's 12 weeks along with twins.

No word on the other Jennifers...this week.

Update: Jennifer Lopez is not expecting. It was just a rumor.

Is it me or is bump watch getting old?

This week we have not one, but two, Jennifers on bump watch: Jennifer Love Hewitt and, bump watch alum, Jennifer Lopez. This, after yet another Jennifer recently had to tell the media to fuck off when rumors surfaced that she was expecting again. (What's the calculus? "Jennifer" + one ounce of excess body fat = pregnant?)

I'm calling it:

Out: Bump Watch

In: Postpartum Belly

Britney versus the Duggars

As Britney's custody battle heats up, Team Kevin is gaining popularity. But I wonder: what has Britney done to justify stripping her of custodial rights? There's the teeth whitening and Coke in the baby bottle. Yeah, okay, those are parenting mistakes. But parenting mistakes happen all the time. If you were to strip parents of custodial rights for imparting poor nutrition, millions of parents would be implicated, including the Duggars. Yes, the Duggars, the tragically midwestern family with 17 spawn. Check out the layered ice cream cake recipe they posted to the family website:

LAYERED ICE CREAM CAKE

Makes a 9”x 13” Pan

24 Ice cream sandwiches

8 oz. Cool Whip™

1 Hershey’s™ chocolate syrup bottle

1 Smuckers™ caramel syrup bottle

2 king size Butterfinger™ candy bars chopped up

1st layer 12 ice cream sandwiches

2nd – half of whipped cream

3rd - half of Butterfinger™ bars

Squeeze 1/2 of caramel & chocolate over that.

4th - rest of ice cream sandwiches

5th – Cool Whip™

6th - rest of Butterfinger™, caramel & chocolate

You can freeze this and eat as desired! Yummy! Yummy!

Britney's nutritional choices have nothing on this mound of crap. And the Duggars are the model of Christian virtue and goodness. So lets tone down the hysterical rhetoric, take off our sancti-mommy hats and take Britney's parenting skills for what they are: flawed. Which makes her human, like the rest of us, including the Duggars.

Snarky Headline of the Day

Larry Craig? Hey, look! It's al-Qaida! Fox News, always the bastion of fair and balanced reporting.

If you can't keep your pants on, blame the flower company.

Check this out. Guy sends his mistress flowers via 1-800-flowers. 1-800-flowers sends the bill to his wife. And this is a newsflash to her - she had no idea he was cheating. Wife divorces guy and receives a hefty settlement, using the flower receipt as proof of his infidelity. Guy sues 1-800 Flowers.

Way to take personal responsibility, buddy!

Headline of the Day

Britney Spears Has Very Nice Boobs. I find it all very sad how she keeps going for these losers who run to the press at the first opportunity. No wonder girlfriend has no self-esteem. Everyone in her life is using her.

CNN confirms what the world already knew.

The United States is increasingly becoming a nation of fatties. Check out the obesity map.

FYI the skinny states are:

• Massachusetts
• Rhode Island
• Connecticut
• Vermont
• Utah
• Colorado
• Montana

I wonder why.

Dog days of summer.

Check out Wholesome Wear, for the repressed parent. What is it about this country? We're four hundred years removed from the Mayflower, but we still act like a bunch of puritans. An accomplished woman can't wear a shirt with a v-neck line without igniting a major controversy. And we're still offended by a woman nursing in public. Silly.

Murdoch buys WSJ.

The deal hasn't closed yet, but both parties have agreed to the sale.

What's in store for the Journal? My take is that Murdoch wants to turn the Journal into the people's paper, like the Post. Well not just like the Post. According to the NYT:

Executives at the News Corporation are keen to explore whether more of that content ought to be offered free online to increase the audience and attract advertising, while keeping subscribers by offering more premium services. A more open WSJ.com would be able to attract more advertising, but also potentially distribute that advertising across the News Corporation’s online footprint.

Well, free isn't bad, per se. But, as we all know, you don't get something for nothing. Hence, Murdoch wants to cut down on the marquis content:

In an interview with The Times earlier this year, Mr. Murdoch mused aloud about The Journal, saying, for instance, that he did not have time to read longer articles during the week and might like to swap out the paper’s Pursuits section on Saturdays with a glossy magazine. More recently, he told Time magazine that he was not sure about the offbeat front-page stories known internally as “A-Heds” that are a plum for reporters to write.

I personally would rather pay for high quality content then read the low rent stuff for free. I love those "A-hed" stories! Who doesn't? That's one of the features that makes the Journal a truly great publication.

Good bye Journal. We'll always have memories.

The customer is NOT always right.

Sprint/Nextel fired 1,000 of its customers...for bitching too much. I love it! Maybe this is cathartic for me because I am a service provider, by occupation.

Bitch, bitch, bitch...you're fired! That'll never get old. Never.

Be a dear...

...and hand Momma a smoke.

I don't believe it.

Nicole Richie is pregnant. No way girlfriend menstruates naturally with negative 5 bmi. She's either lying or taking fertility drugs.

As an aside, the fertility g-ds are not fair, are they? People like Anna Nicole Smith and Nicole Richie who abuse their bodies get PG, while some one like Jennifer Lopez struggles with infertility. No justice to it.

A New Low: Part I

A new low in celebrity baby obsession: Celebrity Baby Blog marks the debut of Henry Daniel Moder's hand.

Revenge!

Britney files a restraining order against her mother. Point deduction for heavy-handed conservative parenting. It might work when they're kiddies, but when they're big enough to fight back, look out.

Say it isn't so.

Splash has pictures of Britney wearing her wedding ring, the inference being she's back with Kevin Federline.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Behold the spelling bee champion. This is the future of our nation. He's among the best and the brightest.

Britney and Mom...

...kiss and make up. Score one for conservative parenting.

Good news for blondes.

Turns out you're smart after all, Jessica Simpson notwithstanding. What, then, accounts for blonde jokes - where do they come from? The New York Times reports:

If blondes are perceived as more attractive, then being blond may create valuable opportunities that do not require onerous investments in education and training. The dumb blonde stereotype may thus stem from the fact that blondes rationally choose to invest less than others in education and other forms of human capital.

Lest you think this is a gender-neutral generalization, it is not. It's predicated on the idea that men are drawn to looks and women to status and money.

Get it? Blondes don't pursue education because they'd prefer to marry well.

All this reading and typing. MY HEAD HURTS!!! Silly me, I'm married. I forgot I'm supposed to turn my brain off. Bad me!