Moms can be aggressive war mongers too.

At the Emmy Awards, Sally Fields concluded her Emmy acceptance speech with: “If mothers ruled the, ruled the world, there would be no god-damned wars in the first place.”

Michelle Malkin fires off an angry response:

Contrary to tongue-tied Sally’s incoherent Primetime Emmy Awards diatribe, childbearing, and childrearing experiences do not bond all women in a universal sorority of non-confrontation...

On the playground of life, Sally Field is the mom who looks the other way when the brat on the elementary-school slide pushes your son to the ground or throws dirt in your daughter’s face. She’s the mom who holds her tongue at the mall when thugs spew profanities and make crude gestures in front of her brood. She’s the mom who tells her child never to point out when a teacher gets her facts wrong. She’s the mom who buys her teenager beer, condoms, and a hotel room on prom night, because she’d rather give in than assert her parental authority
and do battle.

Got that? If you're a mother and you voice reasonable dissent against war, your child is going to be a wuss. Or promiscuous. Or both.

Judge calls bullshit on anti-mom hysteria.

Britney gets to keep her kids, subject to a litany of conditions. I called this one. So did Nancy Grace. Suck it, Us.

California proposes bold work/life legislation.

Per JD Bliss, highlights include:

1. Adding "familial status" as a protected class under the employment nondiscrimination statute; and
2. Requiring job-protected time away from work for "caregivers".

Critics charge that the proposal, as presently stated, is too broad. They argue that it would cover something as trivial as mom cutting out of work early to go to soccer practice. (That's a bad thing?)

In any event, the proposal reflects the prevalence of the duel income family, and its attendant logistical problems. And as one of the earners in a two income family, I say: it's about time!

Bump Watch Fatigue

The assault on Jennifer Lopez continues, with In Touch reporting she's 12 weeks along with twins.

No word on the other Jennifers...this week.

Update: Jennifer Lopez is not expecting. It was just a rumor.

The Dawn of a New Era

Dunkin Donuts has started selling its coffee grounds in bulk at BJs, Costco and the like. This big 40 oz bag costs a mere $15. Still no bargain, but it'll keep me in caffeine longer than the regular one pound bag. Keep up the good work guys.

Are you a Dunkin Donuts drinker, or a Starbucks snob?

Is it me or is bump watch getting old?

This week we have not one, but two, Jennifers on bump watch: Jennifer Love Hewitt and, bump watch alum, Jennifer Lopez. This, after yet another Jennifer recently had to tell the media to fuck off when rumors surfaced that she was expecting again. (What's the calculus? "Jennifer" + one ounce of excess body fat = pregnant?)

I'm calling it:

Out: Bump Watch

In: Postpartum Belly

Paci Hall of Shame

Closeted paci-holic Kingston Rossdale is outed.

Britney versus the Duggars

As Britney's custody battle heats up, Team Kevin is gaining popularity. But I wonder: what has Britney done to justify stripping her of custodial rights? There's the teeth whitening and Coke in the baby bottle. Yeah, okay, those are parenting mistakes. But parenting mistakes happen all the time. If you were to strip parents of custodial rights for imparting poor nutrition, millions of parents would be implicated, including the Duggars. Yes, the Duggars, the tragically midwestern family with 17 spawn. Check out the layered ice cream cake recipe they posted to the family website:

LAYERED ICE CREAM CAKE

Makes a 9”x 13” Pan

24 Ice cream sandwiches

8 oz. Cool Whip™

1 Hershey’s™ chocolate syrup bottle

1 Smuckers™ caramel syrup bottle

2 king size Butterfinger™ candy bars chopped up

1st layer 12 ice cream sandwiches

2nd – half of whipped cream

3rd - half of Butterfinger™ bars

Squeeze 1/2 of caramel & chocolate over that.

4th - rest of ice cream sandwiches

5th – Cool Whip™

6th - rest of Butterfinger™, caramel & chocolate

You can freeze this and eat as desired! Yummy! Yummy!

Britney's nutritional choices have nothing on this mound of crap. And the Duggars are the model of Christian virtue and goodness. So lets tone down the hysterical rhetoric, take off our sancti-mommy hats and take Britney's parenting skills for what they are: flawed. Which makes her human, like the rest of us, including the Duggars.

Snarky Headline of the Day

Larry Craig? Hey, look! It's al-Qaida! Fox News, always the bastion of fair and balanced reporting.

Breaking: We're still fat.

And so are our kids, per a report published on August 27, 2007. See how your state fares on page 3 of the report. I wonder if CNN will update the obesity map.

No f'ing way.

Bush will likely nominate Michael Chertoff to succeed Alberto Gonzales as attorney general. This is the dude who recklessly warned we'd be attacked by terrorists this summer, based on his "gut instinct". And the dude who memorably referred to Louisiana as a "city".

Gawker snarks:

It's a pretty good move, sure, but if the President is really intent on taking the Constitution, cutting a hole out of it, and fucking it six ways to Sunday, why just settle for partison incompetence? Why not go for outright criminality? Dude should tap Scooter Libby.

Kudos to Gawker. If you can't laugh in times like this, you cry.

Update: CNN has since downgraded Chertoff's prospects from "Bush will likely nominate" to "Bush may nominate." You can still find "will likely" in Google cache. With any luck, by tomorrow, this may be downgraded to "will not." A girl can hope.

Update #2: CNN is now reporting that Chertoff will not be nominated. Sanity prevails.

Just asking.

Without a Trace. Cold Case. Two different shows? Would anyone care if we merged them?

Baby Names: Celebrity Edition

Out: "Britney"

Name your child Britney? What are you thinking, wonders the Poop. I think they're onto something. How will we ever divorce the name from the image of her entering the public bathroom barefoot? That image is seared in my brain for life. Too bad y'all, cause the name was kind of cute!

In: "Reese"

Anecdotally, I've noticed a significant uptick in the name "Reese". She is the celebrity model of girl perfection: smart, gorgeous and talented. And, perhaps most important to frightened parents in this day and age of GGW, she's a good girl. Not sure if naming one's child "Reese" will ensure the child's virtue, but gotta give parents credit for trying.

Paci Hall of Shame

Posh and Beck's son, Brooklyn. And it's a pink paci!

Good News/Bad News.

The good news: I received an Evite from one of the other mothers in my son's preschool class. That's nice, I think to myself. I'd like to get to know some of the other mothers. I'm the only working mother of the group, which makes me feel like an outsider, so this is a welcome opportunity.

The bad news: it's all a ploy to sell me shit! In fact, it's a party at a store. An ugly boutique clothing store, no less. Free wine and cheese, plus 10% off anything I buy. *rolls eyes*

Change is under way.

Firm Kills Billable Hour for First Year Associates. Probably because first years are notorious for padding their hours. Partners get sick of writing off their time

More Randomness.

The urethra rap.



There is hope yet for today's youth. This girl kills it.

Random: Children's television-induced dementia.

"You're Beautiful" is "A Triangle." And it's still grating.



What children's television show makes you want to hang yourself?

Update: If we were handing out awards for dementia, we'd have to give it to the creators of Bert Is Evil.

Lead fallout.

Momsrising has been lobbying the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) to police the lead issue. Any such effort will be fruitless because the CPSC is, essentially, a joke - a safety organization in name only.

...the CPSC is not taken seriously, with a dearth of money, staffing, enforcement authority and leadership. Its budget is $63 million -- less than half of its original 1974 budget, if one corrects for inflation. (With inflation the budget should be $149 million, he says.) In 1980, the CPSC had a staff of 978. Now its staff is less than 400.

...Congressional investigators recently visited the CPSC's laboratory in Bethesda, Maryland, and according to Mierzwinski found it "like a bad high school lab."

Edwards is calling on the Administration and democratic leaders in Congress:

"As one father to another" -- to "take immediate action to stop the growing crisis of dangerous toys being imported from China." Specifically Edwards called for "mandatory, independent third party testing" of toys.

Given the current state of the CPSC, a legislative fix appears to be the only answer.

Another toy recall.

"We can clone sheep and build a missile that can hit someone's front door from 600 miles away, but we can't seem to manufacture toys that aren't slathered in toxins."