Too Cool for School

Busted.

2007-12-28T09:11:00.000-05:00

Violet Affleck is back on the paci. After a flurry of paci sightings during the first year of Violet's life, there was nothing, leading this blogger to believe Violet was weaned. Oh, you're a clever one, Violet, but we're onto you.

Paci hall of shame.

2007-12-23T15:22:00.000-05:00

Melissa Joan Hart and her 23 month old kidcessory, Mason. Gotta give her credit for tirelessly working the celebrity baby circuit. Say "college fund", Mason!

Paci hall of shame.

2007-12-09T14:09:00.000-05:00

New inductee: One of Heidi Klum's kids.

Paci hall of shame.

2007-11-16T14:14:00.000-05:00

Welcome, Jaden James Spears. I don't feel guilty about annointing you because this is about the least of your problems.

Paci hall of shame.

2007-11-12T20:14:00.000-05:00

Repeat offender, Kingston Rossdale.

Who knew?

2007-11-07T10:50:00.000-05:00

Hillary Clinton has a Flickr account. Check out the most recent "debate watching party."

Is it me or is Bill Clinton still hot? Oops, did I say that out loud?

This pregnancy brought to you by...

2007-11-06T11:09:00.000-05:00

Remember how former View co-host Star Jones was publicly maligned for her commercially-sponsored wedding? Well Star has got nothing on another View co-host. Elizabeth Hasselbeck is pimping her pregnancy. That's right. Hasselbeck's pregnancy is sponsored by Dreft. For the uninitiated (read: childless), Dreft is an expensive and completely unnecessary laundry detergent, formulated especially for babies.

And indulge me while I ponder the irony of the situation. Hasselbeck is an outspoken opponent to a woman's right to choose, a position ostensibly predicated on the "sanctity of life". But it's perfectly fine to pimp that fetus for dollars. Brings new meaning to term "sanctity."

Paci hall of shame.

2007-10-24T20:51:00.000-05:00

This week, we're inducting a newcomer. Welcome, Angel - the daughter of Mel B. from the Spice Girls. As an aside, mom is taking this MILF thing a little too far.

Random

2007-10-20T08:46:00.001-05:00

Five years.

2007-10-16T12:43:00.000-05:00

It's been five years since Congress authorized the use of force in Iraq. To mark this anniversary, a bunch of soldiers weigh in on state of affairs in Iraq. No, not phony soldiers. 12 former army captains. Their message: reinstitute the draft to bolster our presence, or pull out "immediately." They're not the only members of the military criticizing the Administration's handling of Iraq.

How many more lives must be sacrificed in the name of this futile effort?

Random

2007-10-11T13:16:00.000-05:00

Ann Coulter has a new boyfriend, whom she wishes didn't exist.

Barbie. Must. Die.

2007-10-09T10:40:00.000-05:00

Introducing Barbie Fashion Fever Boutique, complete with pretend credit swiper.

Snarks the Consumerist:

We think Mattel should introduce the "Dang, I Grew Up" Barbie playset, where Barbie spends her entire paycheck on Rent-a-Center furniture while trying to make the minimum payments on her dozen or so 30% interest rate cards. But then again, since this is Barbie, once her credit score hit 300 or so the playset would probably just bump it back up to 800. Responsibility is so for nerds and foster children.

Snarky Headline of the Day

2007-10-02T12:33:00.000-05:00

Multitasking Prostitute Proves Working Moms CAN Have It All.

Another reason the name "Britney" is sinking in popularity.

2007-10-02T09:33:00.001-05:00

As I observed, the Poop has declared "Britney" to be on the baby name retirement list. You know, negative associations, and whatnot.

Another possible reason for its decline in popularity: the name lends itself to several unsavory nicknames, which I've seen strewn about the blogosphere, including:

1. Shitney
2. Clitney
3. And now, Unfitney

Paci Hall of Shame

2007-10-01T11:50:00.000-05:00

Kingston Rossdale, again.

Have a sandwich, Nancy.

2007-10-01T07:50:00.000-05:00

Check out Nancy Grace, who is expecting twins in November. Isn't she a little small, for her third trimester with twins?

Paci hall of shame.

2007-09-28T15:19:00.000-05:00

Repeat offender, Kingston Rossdale.

Say What?, Part I

2007-09-22T09:53:00.001-05:00

Mattel apologizes to China for toy recalls.

Debrowski [Mattel's executive vice president of worldwide operations says] said he realized the damage that had been done to the reputation of Chinese goods, adding the company was committed to manufacturing in China and was also investing $30 million in a Barbie store in Shanghai.

Oh, China's reputation is damaged. Boo fucking hoo. Nice to see where Mattel's loyalty lies.

Paci hall of shame.

2007-09-21T09:41:00.000-05:00

New entry: Britney Spears. No, not Sean Preston or Jaden James. It's Britney, bitch.

Snarky Headline of the Day

2007-09-21T09:31:00.000-05:00

Nation's College Freshman Face Trauma of Redecoration.

Moms can be aggressive war mongers too.

2007-09-20T20:42:00.000-05:00

At the Emmy Awards, Sally Fields concluded her Emmy acceptance speech with: “If mothers ruled the, ruled the world, there would be no god-damned wars in the first place.”

Michelle Malkin fires off an angry response:

Contrary to tongue-tied Sally’s incoherent Primetime Emmy Awards diatribe, childbearing, and childrearing experiences do not bond all women in a universal sorority of non-confrontation...
On the playground of life, Sally Field is the mom who looks the other way when the brat on the elementary-school slide pushes your son to the ground or throws dirt in your daughter’s face. She’s the mom who holds her tongue at the mall when thugs spew profanities and make crude gestures in front of her brood. She’s the mom who tells her child never to point out when a teacher gets her facts wrong. She’s the mom who buys her teenager beer, condoms, and a hotel room on prom night, because she’d rather give in than assert her parental authority
and do battle.

Got that? If you're a mother and you voice reasonable dissent against war, your child is going to be a wuss. Or promiscuous. Or both.

Judge calls bullshit on anti-mom hysteria.

2007-09-19T09:42:00.000-05:00

Britney gets to keep her kids, subject to a litany of conditions. I called this one. So did Nancy Grace. Suck it, Us.

California proposes bold work/life legislation.

2007-09-18T14:15:00.000-05:00

Per JD Bliss, highlights include:

Adding "familial status" as a protected class under the employment nondiscrimination statute; and
Requiring job-protected time away from work for "caregivers".

Critics charge that the proposal, as presently stated, is too broad. They argue that it would cover something as trivial as mom cutting out of work early to go to soccer practice. (That's a bad thing?)

In any event, the proposal reflects the prevalence of the duel income family, and its attendant logistical problems. And as one of the earners in a two income family, I say: it's about time!

Bump Watch Fatigue

2007-09-18T11:44:00.001-05:00

The assault on Jennifer Lopez continues, with In Touch reporting she's 12 weeks along with twins.

No word on the other Jennifers...this week.

Update: Jennifer Lopez is not expecting. It was just a rumor.

The Dawn of a New Era

2007-09-17T08:12:00.000-05:00

Dunkin Donuts has started selling its coffee grounds in bulk at BJs, Costco and the like. This big 40 oz bag costs a mere $15. Still no bargain, but it'll keep me in caffeine longer than the regular one pound bag. Keep up the good work guys.

Are you a Dunkin Donuts drinker, or a Starbucks snob?

Is it me or is bump watch getting old?

2007-09-13T08:14:00.000-05:00

This week we have not one, but two, Jennifers on bump watch: Jennifer Love Hewitt and, bump watch alum, Jennifer Lopez. This, after yet another Jennifer recently had to tell the media to fuck off when rumors surfaced that she was expecting again. (What's the calculus? "Jennifer" + one ounce of excess body fat = pregnant?)

I'm calling it:

Out: Bump Watch

In: Postpartum Belly

Paci Hall of Shame

2007-09-06T09:07:00.000-05:00

Closeted paci-holic Kingston Rossdale is outed.

Britney versus the Duggars

2007-09-04T08:15:00.000-05:00

As Britney's custody battle heats up, Team Kevin is gaining popularity. But I wonder: what has Britney done to justify stripping her of custodial rights? There's the teeth whitening and Coke in the baby bottle. Yeah, okay, those are parenting mistakes. But parenting mistakes happen all the time. If you were to strip parents of custodial rights for imparting poor nutrition, millions of parents would be implicated, including the Duggars. Yes, the Duggars, the tragically midwestern family with 17 spawn. Check out the layered ice cream cake recipe they posted to the family website:

LAYERED ICE CREAM CAKE
Makes a 9”x 13” Pan
24 Ice cream sandwiches
8 oz. Cool Whip™
1 Hershey’s™ chocolate syrup bottle
1 Smuckers™ caramel syrup bottle
2 king size Butterfinger™ candy bars chopped up
1st layer 12 ice cream sandwiches
2nd – half of whipped cream
3rd - half of Butterfinger™ bars
Squeeze 1/2 of caramel & chocolate over that.
4th - rest of ice cream sandwiches
5th – Cool Whip™
6th - rest of Butterfinger™, caramel & chocolate
You can freeze this and eat as desired! Yummy! Yummy!

Britney's nutritional choices have nothing on this mound of crap. And the Duggars are the model of Christian virtue and goodness. So lets tone down the hysterical rhetoric, take off our sancti-mommy hats and take Britney's parenting skills for what they are: flawed. Which makes her human, like the rest of us, including the Duggars.

Snarky Headline of the Day

2007-08-29T10:09:00.000-05:00

Larry Craig? Hey, look! It's al-Qaida! Fox News, always the bastion of fair and balanced reporting.

Breaking: We're still fat.

2007-08-27T13:04:00.000-05:00

And so are our kids, per a report published on August 27, 2007. See how your state fares on page 3 of the report. I wonder if CNN will update the obesity map.

No f'ing way.

2007-08-27T10:48:00.000-05:00

Bush will likely nominate Michael Chertoff to succeed Alberto Gonzales as attorney general. This is the dude who recklessly warned we'd be attacked by terrorists this summer, based on his "gut instinct". And the dude who memorably referred to Louisiana as a "city".

Gawker snarks:

It's a pretty good move, sure, but if the President is really intent on taking the Constitution, cutting a hole out of it, and fucking it six ways to Sunday, why just settle for partison incompetence? Why not go for outright criminality? Dude should tap Scooter Libby.

Kudos to Gawker. If you can't laugh in times like this, you cry.

Update: CNN has since downgraded Chertoff's prospects from "Bush will likely nominate" to "Bush may nominate." You can still find "will likely" in Google cache. With any luck, by tomorrow, this may be downgraded to "will not." A girl can hope.

Update #2: CNN is now reporting that Chertoff will not be nominated. Sanity prevails.

Just asking.

2007-08-27T07:52:00.001-05:00

Without a Trace. Cold Case. Two different shows? Would anyone care if we merged them?

Baby Names: Celebrity Edition

2007-08-25T08:53:00.000-05:00

Out: "Britney"

Name your child Britney? What are you thinking, wonders the Poop. I think they're onto something. How will we ever divorce the name from the image of her entering the public bathroom barefoot? That image is seared in my brain for life. Too bad y'all, cause the name was kind of cute!

In: "Reese"

Anecdotally, I've noticed a significant uptick in the name "Reese". She is the celebrity model of girl perfection: smart, gorgeous and talented. And, perhaps most important to frightened parents in this day and age of GGW, she's a good girl. Not sure if naming one's child "Reese" will ensure the child's virtue, but gotta give parents credit for trying.

Paci Hall of Shame

2007-08-22T13:19:00.000-05:00

Posh and Beck's son, Brooklyn. And it's a pink paci!

Good News/Bad News.

2007-08-21T15:28:00.000-05:00

The good news: I received an Evite from one of the other mothers in my son's preschool class. That's nice, I think to myself. I'd like to get to know some of the other mothers. I'm the only working mother of the group, which makes me feel like an outsider, so this is a welcome opportunity.

The bad news: it's all a ploy to sell me shit! In fact, it's a party at a store. An ugly boutique clothing store, no less. Free wine and cheese, plus 10% off anything I buy. *rolls eyes*

Change is under way.

2007-08-20T13:10:00.000-05:00

Firm Kills Billable Hour for First Year Associates. Probably because first years are notorious for padding their hours. Partners get sick of writing off their time

More Randomness.

2007-08-19T19:44:00.000-05:00

The urethra rap.

There is hope yet for today's youth. This girl kills it.

Random: Children's television-induced dementia.

2007-08-16T19:58:00.000-05:00

"You're Beautiful" is "A Triangle." And it's still grating.

What children's television show makes you want to hang yourself?

Update: If we were handing out awards for dementia, we'd have to give it to the creators of Bert Is Evil.

Lead fallout.

2007-08-16T10:38:00.000-05:00

Momsrising has been lobbying the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) to police the lead issue. Any such effort will be fruitless because the CPSC is, essentially, a joke - a safety organization in name only.

...the CPSC is not taken seriously, with a dearth of money, staffing, enforcement authority and leadership. Its budget is $63 million -- less than half of its original 1974 budget, if one corrects for inflation. (With inflation the budget should be $149 million, he says.) In 1980, the CPSC had a staff of 978. Now its staff is less than 400.
...Congressional investigators recently visited the CPSC's laboratory in Bethesda, Maryland, and according to Mierzwinski found it "like a bad high school lab."

Edwards is calling on the Administration and democratic leaders in Congress:

"As one father to another" -- to "take immediate action to stop the growing crisis of dangerous toys being imported from China." Specifically Edwards called for "mandatory, independent third party testing" of toys.

Given the current state of the CPSC, a legislative fix appears to be the only answer.

Another toy recall.

2007-08-15T08:27:00.000-05:00

"We can clone sheep and build a missile that can hit someone's front door from 600 miles away, but we can't seem to manufacture toys that aren't slathered in toxins."

Oxymoron?

2007-08-14T12:41:00.000-05:00

2007 50 Best Law Firms for Women.

These are the best firms, and the average percentage of female partners (equity and nonequity) appears to be approximatly 25%. Keep in mind that the female to male split is roughly 50/50 in law school and one year out of law school. So what happens between year 1 and partnership?

Paving on ramps.

2007-08-13T14:34:00.001-05:00

A new staffing agency, EmployMoms, caters to mothers who seek to rejoin the workforce. I hope this experiment will succeed because it has huge potential for mothers. But I'm skeptical. Will employers sign on to this? If you're an employer, and you have a vacancy to fill, do you go out of your way to request a returning-to-work mother?

If you can't keep your pants on, blame the flower company.

2007-08-13T14:25:00.000-05:00

Check this out. Guy sends his mistress flowers via 1-800-flowers. 1-800-flowers sends the bill to his wife. And this is a newsflash to her - she had no idea he was cheating. Wife divorces guy and receives a hefty settlement, using the flower receipt as proof of his infidelity. Guy sues 1-800 Flowers.

Way to take personal responsibility, buddy!

I might as well just sign over my paycheck to Thomas the Tank Engine.

2007-08-13T13:56:00.001-05:00

We all know that James and Elmo are toxic. What are retailers going to do about it? Shake us down, naturally. Specifically:

Tighter controls will add more costs to makers, which could result in higher prices at the stores.

Oh, right. Cause the $19.99 per train they charge now is such a bargain.

Headline of the Day

2007-08-10T13:59:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears Has Very Nice Boobs. I find it all very sad how she keeps going for these losers who run to the press at the first opportunity. No wonder girlfriend has no self-esteem. Everyone in her life is using her.

PSA

2007-08-09T09:12:00.001-05:00

Talbots is having a summer clearance sale.

CNN confirms what the world already knew.

2007-08-09T08:26:00.000-05:00

The United States is increasingly becoming a nation of fatties. Check out the obesity map.

FYI the skinny states are:

Massachusetts
Rhode Island
Connecticut
Vermont
Utah
Colorado
Montana

I wonder why.

"The Billable Hour Must Die"

2007-08-08T13:22:00.000-05:00

So says the ABA Journal. "It rewards inefficiency. It makes clients suspicious. And it may be unethical." Not to mention the fact that law firms evaluate an attorney's worth solely based on the attorney's billable hours, and that single factor bears no correlation to the quality of the attorney's workproduct. It also perpetuates a system which is fundamentally incompatible with work/life balance.

Is this really necessary?

2007-08-07T11:32:00.000-05:00

Some want ice cream truck music banned.

Snarky Headline of the Day

2007-08-07T09:57:00.000-05:00

Study: Babies Raised by Videos Appropriately Dumb as Expected. The study shows that Baby Einstein videos have a detrimental effect on a baby's vocabulary. I knew those things were a racket.

Dog days of summer.

2007-08-07T08:52:00.000-05:00

Check out Wholesome Wear, for the repressed parent. What is it about this country? We're four hundred years removed from the Mayflower, but we still act like a bunch of puritans. An accomplished woman can't wear a shirt with a v-neck line without igniting a major controversy. And we're still offended by a woman nursing in public. Silly.

Murdoch buys WSJ.

2007-08-01T08:20:00.000-05:00

The deal hasn't closed yet, but both parties have agreed to the sale.

What's in store for the Journal? My take is that Murdoch wants to turn the Journal into the people's paper, like the Post. Well not just like the Post. According to the NYT:

Executives at the News Corporation are keen to explore whether more of that content ought to be offered free online to increase the audience and attract advertising, while keeping subscribers by offering more premium services. A more open WSJ.com would be able to attract more advertising, but also potentially distribute that advertising across the News Corporation’s online footprint.

Well, free isn't bad, per se. But, as we all know, you don't get something for nothing. Hence, Murdoch wants to cut down on the marquis content:

In an interview with The Times earlier this year, Mr. Murdoch mused aloud about The Journal, saying, for instance, that he did not have time to read longer articles during the week and might like to swap out the paper’s Pursuits section on Saturdays with a glossy magazine. More recently, he told Time magazine that he was not sure about the offbeat front-page stories known internally as “A-Heds” that are a plum for reporters to write.

I personally would rather pay for high quality content then read the low rent stuff for free. I love those "A-hed" stories! Who doesn't? That's one of the features that makes the Journal a truly great publication.

Good bye Journal. We'll always have memories.

Red Alert

2007-08-01T08:17:00.000-05:00

The plastic which comprises sippy cups and bottles may cause cancer. Is anything safe anymore?

Trend Alert, Part III

2007-07-30T12:48:00.000-05:00

Summer camp for rich kids, with a twist: these camps teach the campers how to handle their inheritances. Yet another crutch for wealthy parents who shirk their duties. Here's a thought: teach your children the value of money the old fashioned way, and make them get a job. Case and point: Ivanka Trump. Good parenting can trump the trappings of wealth. (No pun intended.)

Campers are asked questions like, what would you do if you won $10 million? To which one camper responded with the money quote:

"If that's pretax, $10 million isn't that much."

Ha! Spoken like a true trust fund brat. The article goes on to conclude that:

...these kids wouldn't be tomorrow's chief executives and billionaire entrepreneurs. Most would probably drift through life spending their parents' money and hoping it would last. Tomorrow's economic superstars will more likely come from the striving middle class, just as they have for much of American history. And all that inherited wealth will wind up going to people who actually earned it -- an encouraging sign for those of us worried about the wealth gap.

I'm supposed to be encouraged that trust fund brats are so stupid they're likely to piss away their fortune? Well okay. But what about the fact that it's easy to make money when you already have money, e.g. through investing and business ventures. These kids are so dumb that they don't know how to hire advisors? But hey, if all else fails, heiresses-to-be can follow the footsteps of the mother of heiresses and release a sex tape.

Trend Alert, Part II

2007-07-30T08:02:00.000-05:00

Add a flavor cartridge to your water filtration system. Comes in strawberry, peach and raspberry. It contains sucralose (the sweetener found in Splenda), so it's calorie-free. Hey, at least you know where it comes from and it doesn't leave behind plastic waste.

Trend Alert, Part I

2007-07-28T09:37:00.000-05:00

The giftless birthday party is gaining popularity. That's right. Parents request that guests donate to a charity in lieu of giving a present.

I can understand why a parent would adopt this approach. Birthday parties have clearly become excessive. And beyond that, society itself is wealthy compared to when I grew up. The cars and houses are bigger; there are more toys and baby gear; there are hundreds of television channels; children are expected to own a cell phone, etc. My unsupported theory is that extreme material wealth distracts from spirituality and things that really matter. Compare todays younger generation to that of the 60s. Where's the rebellion? Does the younger generation even care about the war in Iraq? And what's happened to rock music? It's become watered down and meaningless. It's like today's younger generation is missing a soul. Perhaps, they're in a videogame-induced malaise or something.

On the other hand, birthday gifts themselves are not per se excessive. I'm personally inclined to reject the giftless birthday party for that reason. But I will look for other ways of rejecting extreme materialism and imparting spirituality and a strong sense of values onto my children.

Paci Hall of Shame

2007-07-24T12:22:00.001-05:00

Violet Affleck, again.

Book Rec

2007-07-23T15:06:00.000-05:00

Not exactly beach reading, but I recommend Uncommon Arrangements, by Katie Roiphe. It follows the real life marriages of 7 couples living in England from in the early 1900s. For those unfamiliar with Roiphe, she's widely regarded as anti-feminist because of her views on date rape on campus, which she regards as hysteria. See: The Morning After.

Although the book itself is an examination of the institution of marriage, it's relevant to anyone struggling with the "juggle". The women in Uncommon Arrangements are torn between the tradition of domesticity which characterized woman's role in the Victorian era, and the modern role of a woman as a writer or an artist. These progressive women try to import their modern values into human relations and romantic love, with varying results.

Uncommon Arrangements is thought-provoking and serious, but it's hardly a chore to read. Roiphe makes it dishy and compelling. Again, I highly recommend it.

No surprise here.

2007-07-12T07:53:00.000-05:00

Americans aren't taking vacation. Reports CNN:

"Our sense is that people are busier than ever with their lives, their family activities, their kids," said Jeanenne Diefendorf of Orbitz. "So they find it difficult to take an extended vacation and easier to balance if they're only gone a couple of days."

I've long believed that Americans are drowning in extreme work hours. But, because it's the norm, few are riled by it. Vacation isn't a priority; it's an afterthought. People don't want to go away because they're afraid of how far behind they will be at work when they come back.

Enjoy summer while you can.

2007-07-12T07:39:00.000-05:00

Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff, thinks we're going to be under attack. Based on what intell? None. It's just a "gut feeling." Well my gut is saying, "Chertoff is a douchebag." And at least my gut feeling is supported by fact.

Daylight savings time is kicking my ass.

2007-07-11T11:10:00.001-05:00

My three year old can't be convinced to go back to bed when it's light out. This means I'm up at 5:30 lately. *yawn* If only three year old toddlers could be configured like a 1950 alarm clock. Nine more minutes please.

The customer is NOT always right.

2007-07-10T11:25:00.000-05:00

Sprint/Nextel fired 1,000 of its customers...for bitching too much. I love it! Maybe this is cathartic for me because I am a service provider, by occupation.

Bitch, bitch, bitch...you're fired! That'll never get old. Never.

Be a dear...

2007-07-10T08:06:00.000-05:00

...and hand Momma a smoke.

Alarmist Headline of the Day

2007-07-09T19:57:00.000-05:00

Afternoon naps could harm children. Yes "harm." And people wonder why modern-day parents are neurotic.

Hotter than a designer handbag.

2007-07-07T08:24:00.000-05:00

Presenting: the kidcessory.

Ever hear of Mariska Hargitay? I hadn't, until she became a celebrity mom. Now she shows up at every event on the celebrity mom endorsement circuit. New Finding Nemo ride at Disneyland? She's there. Hot Mom Soiree, hosted by Suave? She's hosting it. Interview with Cookie Magazine? Check. And, alas, she's milking it in the literal sense, participating in the Got Milk campaign with her kidcessory in tow.

Hargitay's little kidcessory turned one this month. Where does she host his first birthday party? At her house? Somewhere private? Not so much. Try Central Park. Desparate for press, much?

Happy birthday, August! Say "papparazzo"!

Why do business magazines insult women?

2007-07-05T13:09:00.000-05:00

Forbes published an article entitled "Don't Marry a Career Women." Well that's Forbes, and everyone knows it's a conservative rag anyway.

Now my beloved Money Magazine is counseling its female readers on how to marry a billionaire. It includes such nuggets as "be a status faker", "be into what he's into" and get a job in one of the following industries in order to snag your man: real estate (with a specialty in mansions); luxury-car, private-jet or yacht sales; work at museums, galleries or high-end antique shops; interior design or architecture; and race-horse training. Not that a woman would have her own independent career goals.

Although the article purports to be gender neutral, it counsels male readers to target widows because

...for all of the strides women have made in the workplace, most superrich gals do acquire their wealth through their relationships with men.

Really? I guess Martha Stewart didn't get that memo. Why, Money, why must you insult me?

Don't miss Jean Chatzky puttin in her two cents worth. ps she sucks too.

Not so fast.

2007-07-05T09:13:00.000-05:00

Having children passengers who need to pee doesn't excuse speeding violation.

Snap!

I don't believe it.

2007-07-05T08:28:00.000-05:00

Nicole Richie is pregnant. No way girlfriend menstruates naturally with negative 5 bmi. She's either lying or taking fertility drugs.

As an aside, the fertility g-ds are not fair, are they? People like Anna Nicole Smith and Nicole Richie who abuse their bodies get PG, while some one like Jennifer Lopez struggles with infertility. No justice to it.

A New Low: Part II

2007-06-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

Behold the Fruit Loop straw:

Kellogg's Cereal Straws are straws lined with powdered sugar-cereal dust that kids can drink milk through. It makes the milk taste like the sludge left at the bottom of a cereal bowl.

And the thin line between child and garbage receptacle continues to erode.

A New Low: Part I

2007-06-30T09:05:00.000-05:00

A new low in celebrity baby obsession: Celebrity Baby Blog marks the debut of Henry Daniel Moder's hand.

An idea whose time has come?

2007-06-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

The "Entitlement Slayers." Says the founder of this high-concept career counseling firm:

This is a generation...who have heard, from the moment they came out of the womb, that they are great and can do whatever they want. These kids have been helped, coddled, nurtured, told that they can do no wrong. We give them a dose of reality.

Of course, this "dose of reality" comes at a cost: $3,250. So parents shell over thousands of dollars to readjust their over-entitled children's sense of entitlement. Anyone else see the irony in this?

Here's a novel idea: don't spoil your kids.

Paci hall of shame.

2007-06-25T19:28:00.000-05:00

Repeat offender, Violet Garner Affleck.

Revenge!

2007-06-25T12:36:00.000-05:00

Britney files a restraining order against her mother. Point deduction for heavy-handed conservative parenting. It might work when they're kiddies, but when they're big enough to fight back, look out.

Vacation is so five minutes ago.

2007-06-25T11:40:00.000-05:00

Haven't you heard? Working 24/7 is in vogue, at least according to Michael Bloomberg. Says Bloomy:

“If you’re the first one in the morning and the last one to leave at night and you take fewer vacation days and never take a sick day, you will do better than the people who don’t do that. It is very simple,” he says. (The mayor also said he’s raised two daughters who have turned out very well, “thanks to their mother, no thanks to me.”) He praised his father, William H. Bloomberg, “who worked seven days a week his entire life until he checked himself into the hospital to die.”

But never fear, Yahoo Hotjobs is looking out for us all. The ball and chain is keeping you from taking your well-deserved vaca? Have a donut break.

Good thing Teddy K is looking out for us!

Say it isn't so.

2007-06-21T11:10:00.000-05:00

Splash has pictures of Britney wearing her wedding ring, the inference being she's back with Kevin Federline.

Daddy's little [fill in the blank].

2007-06-21T07:31:00.000-05:00

A Yale researcher found that congressmen with daughters are more likely to favor women's rights, including reproductive choice. Wow that's nice, I think. I infer that daughters may inspire the congressmen-fathers to respect female autonomy, or maybe having a daughter causes the fathers to empathize with women.

Conservative commentator, Debbie Schlussel, has a different opinion:

Congressmen who are liberal are more likely to have slutty daughters. And therefore, they are more likely to support abortion for selfish, personal reasons.

Okay then. But how do we explain the Bush twins versus Chelsea Clinton? Oh forget it. The excerpt is so patently biassed and dumb, it doesn't deserve a reply.

On a different note, I'm struck by Schlussel's website. Specifically, her picture. Nice glamour shot! Did she get that done at the mall? Some one wants to be a conservababe. Where's the dignity in this, and why do smart women care so much about babe status? Rachel Marsden (formerly, of Fox's Red Eye) is another example. See link. (Scroll to the middle for the picture from her now-defunct web lounge.) Not to mention the mother of all conservababes, Ann Coulter. It's worth noting that the websites of their liberal female peers are not similarly littered with glamour shots. And male commentators from both ends of the political spectrum seem to be above this type of marketing as well.

What's the deal, ladies? You're bright women (albeit, with batshit crazy political leanings). You don't need to market yourselves as cheesecake. And, specifically, with respect to Schlussel, isn't it ironic that some one with such repressed views about sexuality (woman who has premarital sex = slut), appears to be trying to appeal to the male basic instinct?

Attention Internet Shoppers

2007-06-21T07:29:00.000-05:00

50% off sale at Banana.

"Scooby Doology"

2007-06-20T07:37:00.000-05:00

Another demerit for scientology. John Travolta has expressed the opinion that psychotropic drugs are to blame for the Virginia Tech shootings. It has also been reported that Travolta is in denial about his son's autism, because scientology doesn't consider autism an illness for which treatment is appropriate. In the wake of Travolta's latest remark, one blogger is questioning whether scientology is worthy of its "logy" suffix:

There is absolutely no science to anything they do and the suffix “logy” denotes a field of study or academic discipline, which I swear to God does not apply to reading a bunch of fictionalized sci-fi books. Otherwise we would have an overwhelming amount of fake religions like “Hobitology,” “Scooby Doology,” or God save us from the redneck beliefs of “Hee Hawology.”

In my view, Scooby Doo compares favorably to L. Ron Hubbard. Maybe Travolta should give Scoobs a shot. Can't be any less rational than the g-d at whose alter he currently worships.

Buzzword of the Day: "Hybrid Mom"

2007-06-18T12:58:00.000-05:00

A hybrid mom is part SAHM and part working mom. Confused? Me too. But now there's a whole new maggie dedicated to these...er...hybrids.

The maggie defines its target demographic as follows:

Hybrid Mom (hy brid mom, n.): An adult female who has discarded outdated and unrealistic conceptions of motherhood. She is parent, wife, volunteer, and sometimes entrepreneur, all in one. Known for her strength, sense of humor, and flexibility, a hybrid mom is actually a fusion of roles that suit her own individuality.

Wow, neat. *cough*gimmick*cough* And based on the volume of stuff they're peddling on their website, some one believes these Hybrid Moms have a fair amount of disposable income!

Another reason to hate Thomas the Tank Engine...

2007-06-14T11:29:00.000-05:00

The old reasons:

1. It's a racket. Anyone with a toddler son knows that Thomas is like crack for boys. And anyone who's actually purchased Thomas-branded anything knows that it's a racket. The trains start at $20 a piece. My family has spent hundreds of dollars on this stuff.

2. The stories are not kid-friendly. We have a book, which is a compilation of Thomas stories. In one story, The Deputation, Sir Topham Hatt threatens to turn one of the trains to sheet metal. No joke. At the last minute, he changes his mind and spares the train. Sounds more like Extermination, with a Schindler's List ending.

3. Poor female representation. Most of the train characters are male. The female characters are spouses or supporting parts.

And the new reason:

4. James is toxic. Lovely. I actually own toxic James. My little one has James in his mouth all the time.

Update: Sign here to let the Consumer Products Safety Division know they have to do a better job.

The "nefarious chicken finger pandemic."

2007-06-13T07:32:00.001-05:00

New York Times derides the standard fare on the kiddie menu. I second the complaint, but I'll be vulgar about it: what passes as kiddie food today is pure crap. Mac n cheese, hot dogs, nuggets and fries. Little, if any, nutritive value.

However, I will give credit where credit is due: props to Mickey Ds for adding apple dippers to the menu. If you don't use the caramel, you actually have a healthy side dish, or snack.

Awful buzzword of the day: "planful"

2007-06-12T14:14:00.000-05:00

E.g., planful employees would not be adversely impacted by Guiliani's health care reform proposal. Says Guiliani:

“Health insurance should become like homeowners insurance or like car insurance: You don’t cover everything in your homeowners policy. If you have a slight accident in your house, if you need to refill your oil in your car, you don’t cover that with insurance. But that is covered in many of the insurance policies because they’re government dominated and they’re employer dominated.”

Here's to being planful and to Rudy's proposal. Carving out things like quality-of-life drugs (e.g. expensive allergy and GI pills) from the system will bring costs down. There's an inverse relation between cost and access. As cost decreases, access increases. Hence, his proposal would have the effect of increasing access to health insurance. Seems like common sense to me.

Back-to-school condoms...

2007-06-12T08:32:00.001-05:00

...on sale at Wal-Mart.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

2007-06-11T20:06:00.000-05:00

Behold the spelling bee champion. This is the future of our nation. He's among the best and the brightest.

Britney and Mom...

2007-06-11T08:35:00.000-05:00

...kiss and make up. Score one for conservative parenting.

Good luck.

2007-06-11T07:30:00.000-05:00

To counteract female attrition at law firms, a group of Heller Ehrman attorneys propose to eliminate billable hours requirements.

Get paid to be a baby vessel.

2007-06-09T08:49:00.000-05:00

$500 for the first, $40,000 for the fifth. For real, in Japan. Ready, set, breed.

Hey Jen...

2007-06-08T14:17:00.000-05:00

...your child is too old for a paci.

Good news for blondes.

2007-06-07T14:42:00.000-05:00

Turns out you're smart after all, Jessica Simpson notwithstanding. What, then, accounts for blonde jokes - where do they come from? The New York Times reports:

If blondes are perceived as more attractive, then being blond may create valuable opportunities that do not require onerous investments in education and training. The dumb blonde stereotype may thus stem from the fact that blondes rationally choose to invest less than others in education and other forms of human capital.

Lest you think this is a gender-neutral generalization, it is not. It's predicated on the idea that men are drawn to looks and women to status and money.

Get it? Blondes don't pursue education because they'd prefer to marry well.

All this reading and typing. MY HEAD HURTS!!! Silly me, I'm married. I forgot I'm supposed to turn my brain off. Bad me!

All Work, No Play for Many, Study Shows

2007-06-07T13:19:00.000-05:00

Report suggests workers excessive hours. Ya think?

Who knew?

2007-06-07T07:53:00.000-05:00

The term "dingo" is the male equivalent of "cougar." See, e.g., Ron Jeremy is a dingo. But what does "hedgehog" mean?

Winnie shows the boys how it's done.

2007-06-06T13:34:00.000-05:00

Danica McKellar, the actress who played Winnie Cooper on the Wonder Years, has a book coming out in August: Math Doesn't Suck: How to Survive Middle School Math. You go girl! And way to show up Kevin. Fred Savage's post-Wonder Years career is a patchwork of failed sitcoms.

Angelina: "Brad and I will retire in a few years."

2007-06-05T19:26:00.000-05:00

I'm so with her on that one. In my dreams. Angelina on the juggle.

"You think she works the pole?"

2007-06-05T17:12:00.000-05:00

Another sexist gem, compliments of the MSNBC primetime lineup. It joins a pantheon of sexist remarks made by Keith Olbermann, described here by Rebecca Traister:

This year Keith Olbermann became a favorite of the left-leaning set. But some viewers may have been taken aback by his willingness to speculate about whether Paris Hilton has ever received a face full of ejaculate, or by the e-mail he sent to a viewer in which he called colleague Rita Cosby "dumber than a suitcase of rocks," or by the blog penned by a former lover of his alleging that the cable anchor doesn't use condoms and that after manually bringing her to a faked climax, he crowed, "This is the finger I use to write the show." I wonder if it's the same finger I use to flip off Keith Olbermann.

No more tears.

2007-06-05T07:34:00.000-05:00

If you bathe your baby every day, you may be giving your baby skin problems. (Suck it, type A moms and germophobes!) Turns out you should only bathe your baby once or twice a week.

The mother of all battles.

2007-06-04T20:30:00.000-05:00

Working mothers versus stay at home mothers.

Men versus women.

Married versus childless.

Imagine how much energy goes into these battles. Wasted energy.

On the other hand, Penelope Trunk touches upon what I perceive as a worthy battle - the battle between the y0unger and older generations. She writes:

For the first time ever, this generation will not be more well-off financially than their parents. What should we make of this new finding? Does this mean the American Dream is no longer attainable?
Probably not. Because this statistic is just a magnified section of a much larger picture – of the great generational shift taking place in America since Generation X became adults.
The shift is in the definition of the American Dream. Our dream is about time, not money. No generation wants to live with financial instability. And we are no exception. But finances alone do not define someone’s American Dream. Especially when our dream is about how we spend our time.

Is it any wonder why we value time over money? Answer: we value time because it's been robbed of us. We're drowning out here in the workforce. We take little, if any, vacation, and when we do we bring our Blackberries. We work 60 hour workweeks. We're stressed out. The shift in values that Trunk accurately perceives represents a backlash.

The problem is the older generation - senior management. They're the ones perpetuating the problem. They worked like a slave to line some one else's pockets, and now they want payback. They paid they're dues, and now they're looking to collect.

Here's a novel idea: each of the other constituencies listed above - men, women, parents, childless individuals, even SAHMs - should band together and revolt against the older generation. Work/life policies that benefit only one constituency are perceived as an entitlement and breed resentment. Childless workers become resentful when their married counterparts skip out early. Men become resentful when women are given a pass on long hours. Instead of fighting against each other, each of these groups should unite to effect a change in work/life balance that benefits all employees. After all, everyone deserves sanity.

This looks promising.

2007-06-04T10:37:00.000-05:00

Support the Balancing Act.

Liberal Versus Conservative Parenting: Hollywood Smackdown

2007-06-02T13:40:00.000-05:00

In the left corner: Kathy Hilton and Dina Lohan. Both mothers pursued careers in entertainment before their daughters were successful. Both lap up the attention bestowed upon them as parents at every opportunity. And both have been accused of failing to set limits on the behavior of their daughters.

In the right corner: Lynne Spears. Lynne appears to have applied a heavy hand when she observed Britney Spears doing recreational drugs in the wake of her marital separation. By most accounts, she colluded with Kevin Federline to strip Britney of custody of her children if Britney didn't complete rehab - a pretty coercive move and an extreme act of limit-setting. So I'm fairly confident that the label "conservative parent" fits Lynne.

And??? Who wins the smackdown? The jury is still out. Give it a year and see how the daughters fare. But if we were to judge them for their performances in 2007, I'd say they're all losers.

A few theories:

Nature versus nurture. Certain individuals are going to self-destruct regardless of their support system. I don't discount the possibility that Linday would be out of control regardless of her dysfunctional support.

Dina and Kathy are enablers. "Lindsay is so misunderstood," Dina says in the wake of a drug scandal in which Lindsay was photographed getting coked up. She's excusing her daughters behavior, clearly more concerned with PR repair than her daughter's well being. Kathy, by contrast, seemed more concerned about Paris' legal bills than the fact that her daughter flagrantly disobeyed the law.

The imposition of Lynne's repressive values caused Britney's rebellion. Britney probably grew up in a chorus of "don't drink", "don't smoke", "don't sleep with boys" and "be a good girl." We all know girlfriend held onto her virginity just as long as she could! Then Britney endures two years of what one imagines was an oppressive marriage. (To what may be the world's biggest loser, no less.) So she went out and partied a little when she got her first taste of freedom. Who can blame her? She was emancipated! Maybe if Lynne were a little more understanding and tolerant, Britney might not have gone over the edge.

My Mom is cool. The liberal mothers have the edge when it comes to being friends with their daughters. (I know, their job is "mother", not "friend.") Kathy and Dina are still close to their daughters, in the wake of their scandals. Britney, meanwhile, has cut her mother out of her life. Being the bad guy doesn't make one popular. But Lynne Spears may well not be in this for popularity. I think she's in this for her daughter's well-being. Too bad that, out of the three of them, Lynne is the one who suffers the most. But life isn't fair.

Update: Perez Hilton is reporting that Lynne Spears will be on the view on Wednesday. Wonder is she'll comment on Dina and Kathy.

On the other end of the spectrum.

2007-06-02T08:58:00.000-05:00

I make no secret of my dislike for conventional mommyblogs. Too many stories about some one else's kids. Snooze.

But this is too far in the opposite direction. A relatively new parenting site, Offsprung, has established a blog in its webring dedicated to the intersection and politics, called Unsprung. Sounds like a great idea, in principle. The problem is they recruited Amanda Marcotte as blogger. You might remember her as the blogger who inspired a shitstorm in the blogosphere when John Edwards' campaign hired her as a blogger. Amanda is neither a mother, nor does she have a real job. (No, blogger doesn't count.) How can she possibly understand policy issues that impact working parents?

That said, I think the childless perspective is valuable. We need to be reminded that the world doesn't revolve around us and our children. And that not having a child is a valid life choice. Babble does a good job at providing the childless person's POV.

But Marcotte's blog is not a childless person's POV. She doesn't try to contrast her views with those of a parent; rather she tries to skew the subject matter of her posts to be interesting to parents. Like if her diatribes include the words "reproductive choice" or "education" in them, we're going to be suddenly interested. I think Marcotte fails. Judge for yourself.

Shopping While Working

2007-06-01T14:48:00.000-05:00

(My favorite hobby.) Vicki's is having its semi-annual sale.